Move Forward With Faith, Not Fear

By Kay Heitsch

Every day, we have a choice: we can live in fear or move forward in faith. ~ Move Forward Quotes ~

What I have found is that once you begin a personal relationship with the LORD, you find it easier to move forward in faith instead of allowing fear to control you.

Our Bible verse says. There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. 1 John 4:18

When we have God's perfect love living in us, His love drives out fear. It will be amazing what we can accomplish when we allow God's love to drive out fear.

Every day, we have a choice: we can live in fear or move forward in faith.

15 - Grocery Store Todd's Death

By Kay Heitsch

As the days went by, the haze and numbness began to fade. This was good and also not so good. The haze and numbness helped keep me from facing reality head-on.

One early morning, my neighbor called. Sandi asked what I was doing. I told her someone was stopping over. Sandi asked if I was dressed, and I told her I was still in my robe. Sandi was surprised, and so was I. Sandi said she would hang up so I could get dressed.

Sandi didn't need to hang up because I didn't get dressed. I was still in my robe when this visitor arrived. I was finding I didn't care. This was so odd for me. Things that seemed so important didn't matter anymore.

Later that morning, I noticed we would need some groceries. I got Brandon and myself dressed and headed to the grocery store for the first time since Todd died.

I began walking up and down the aisles. I had several items in the cart when I reached for Mueslix cereal. It was as if the box were hot. I pulled my hand back. This was Todd's favorite cereal. I realized I no longer needed it.

I started to shake, and I thought I was going to cry. I grabbed Brandon, leaving the cart right in the aisle, and ran out the grocery store door.

Keep Going

By Kay Heitsch

Don't give up! ~ Keep Going Quotes ~

It's easy to give up when the process is slow. However, quitting will not speed it up. If you get tired, rest, but don't give up.

Our Bible verse says. But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” 2 Chronicles 15:7 NIV

We need to be strong and not give up when we start out on something. Knowing that our work will be rewarded.

Don't give up!

Grief Experiences Todd's Death (Part 14)

By Kay Heitsch

This may seem bizarre, but I wanted to see the car Todd died in. I'm not sure if Bill thought it was a good idea, but we discovered the location of the Honda and drove there.

I was shocked, to put it mildly, when I saw the car. I don't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it.

The driver's side of the car was crushed. In fact, the driver's seat was pushed behind the passenger seat. I could now understand why this woman at the accident site could not see Todd.

Blood stains were everywhere except the passenger seat and that side of the car. It was untouched. You wouldn't have known it had even been in this horrific accident. Nick had been miraculously saved.

Nick did have a physical injury. When Todd hit the tree, the force pushed Todd's seat behind Nick. As Todd was flying back, his foot hit Nick in the neck area and broke Nick's collarbone.

I was beyond remorseful that my son was dead, but I was so relieved that Nick's life had been saved.

The homeowner at the accident site shared with us that there had been several accidents on this curve, but no one had died.

I'm thankful to report that, because of Todd's death, a sign was put up warning of the curve.

Bringing Out The Best Results

By Kay Heitsch

God works things out on His timeline to bring the best results for us. ~ God's Timing Quotes ~

I believe God works things out for our best results in His own way and in His time. We may try to hush things, but God seems to take His time. As we wait, we know that He will be working behind the scenes to work out things for our good.

Our Bible verse says. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 NIV

God has a plan and a purpose. He will work all things, good and bad, for our good. What a fantastic way to live knowing God has our backs.

God works things out on His timeline to bring the best results for us.

Deep Water

By Kay Heitsch

Know that you are not alone. God is with you, holding you, comforting you, and most of all loving you no matter what. ~ God Is With You Quotes ~

Sometimes it takes looking at the past to move forward and heal. It's not easy, but knowing God is with us gives us the strength to move forward. I read a quote that said, Part of the healing process is sharing with other people who care. I believe that is true!

Our Bible verse says. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. Isaiah 43:2

We can know that when we go through the difficulties of life, we are not alone. God is with us.

Know that you are not alone. God is with you, holding you, comforting you, and most of all loving you no matter what.

Todd's Death (Part (13)

By Kay Heitsch

I'm going to put a warning right at the top of this post. This is not going to be for the faint of heart.

As difficult as I knew it was going to be, I had to go out to the accident site where Todd was killed. I didn't know where County Road 81 was, but Bill did. Bill had been there to identify Todd's body.

We drove in silence. As we rounded a curve, I saw a house with some small pine trees in the front yard. Bill stopped the van. My God, was this the place Todd died? What? I was expecting to see a large tree that he hit, not these pine trees.

I got out of the van and started to walk around. All of a sudden, I noticed blood on the trunk of a small pine tree. I walked over and touched it. I reached into my purse for a piece of paper and started to rub Todd's blood on the paper. Bill stopped me. Somehow, I wanted that blood because it was all I had that was Todd. Oh my God, this was real! Reality was slapping me in the face!

A woman came out of the house. She was wondering why we had stopped. She explained that on the day of the accident, she heard Todd hit the tree, and she ran out of the house. When she saw Nick, she went back inside and got a blanket to put on him. Her following words have burned in my heart. She said, "Because your son's body was crushed behind the tree, I'm sorry I didn't see him, so I didn't bring him a blanket."

You know it didn't matter because Todd was dead! But it still broke my heart! I wanted Todd to have a blanket, too.

I was still numb, but reality was sinking in. I picked up a piece of pine wood and got inside the van. I still have this piece of wood to this day!

Todd's Death (Part 12)

By Kay Heitsch

We tried to keep things as normal as possible for Shannon and Brandon.

As a family, we always went to Pizza Hut on Wednesday nights. I will never forget how hard it was to go there without Todd. I kept choking back tears, but I made it. Each week got easier.

There was a skating party at the local roller rink. I sat next to a doctor friend. He asked how I was doing and if I needed anything to help. I told him, "No thanks." I was still numb and trying to adjust to the reality that Todd was not coming back.

The truth is, I knew drugs or alcohol would not help. I understood this from past experiences. I had to find a way to help myself without mindless eating, drugs, or alcohol.

Brandon was almost 3 when Todd died. He did not understand why Todd wasn't home.

Aunt Carmeleta stayed with us for a few days. One night, she heard Brandon get up and asked him where he was going. Brandon said he was going down to sleep with Todd.

It broke Aunt Carmeleta's heart seeing Brandon's little face when she told him Todd wasn't in his room anymore.

Brandon struggled daily with missing Todd. He would pick up the phone in the family room and call out to me, saying, "Momma, Todd wants to talk to you." His baby words broke my heart. I would hold Brandon tight as I hung up the phone.

Trust God's Plan

By Kay Heitsch

What God has for you is for you. Trust His timing. Trust His plan. ~ Inspirational Quotes ~

I believe that God has a plan for every one of our lives. We may not understand why we went through situations, but God has a plan, and He will work something good out of it in His timing.

Our Bible verse says. Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 NLT

Our job, as far as I see it, is to trust God with all of our hearts and not worry about what we don't understand. Easier said than done.

What God has for you is for you. Trust His timing. Trust His plan.

Todd's Death (Part 11)

By Kay Heitsch 

There were a lot of flowers, so we asked that they be sent to nursing homes. I took the ceramic shoe that Aunt Carmeleta and Uncle Fred had given. I have placed that shoe on Todd's grave ever since.

The house didn't seem the same anymore. I was still numb, but I was going through the motions. I tried to be strong for Shannon and Brandon. I would take my bath and sob my eyes out. I'd dry off and come out trying to be normal.

I was surprised by people's kindness. I didn't have to cook because people were dropping food off.

I knew most people except one woman. I had no idea who she was when she dropped off her dish. I immediately looked at the bottom of her dish. There was no name. I would have to wait until she returned to find out. Sandy returned for her dish. I found out her son ran cross country with Todd.

Sandy's kindness meant a lot, and I wondered what made her bring a dish when I didn't even know her.

One day, I stood at the kitchen counter, mindlessly eating. Suddenly, I heard that quiet voice say, "Kay, you won't like the consequences of this behavior."

Somehow, I knew that was true.

Never Forgotten

By Kay Heitsch

Let's Make Them Never Be Forgotten. ~ Memorial Day Quote ~

We must never forget our service men and women's sacrifices for our freedom. As the saying goes, Freedom is not free. Someone has paid a price for it.

Our Bible verse says. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13 NIV

Because of Jesus' great love, He laid down His life for us. We have so much to be thankful for. Our servicemen and women have made it possible through their sacrifices that we are free today in the United States of America.

Let's make them never to be forgotten.

Todd's Death (Part 10)

By Kay Heitsch

I remember returning to Bill's dad's house after being at the cemetery. People were stopping by, and I watched the cousins playing. I was still in a haze.

I'm having trouble writing about the following incident. However, it seems that it needs to be handled.

Most people said kind and comforting words or just gave me a hug, and I am most grateful for them. However, one person's words have stuck with me for years.

A woman came up to me and said, "Kay, Todd's death is not the worst thing that can happen." She clarified her statement by saying, " When my husband dies, that is going to be worse." Huh? I was dumbfounded and said nothing.

Over the years, I've thought about this repeatedly and been angry at myself for not speaking up.

I've replayed her words and what my response should have been.

Things like, " How the hell would you know? You have never had a child. A child can not be replaced! A spouse can be, and you should know that. You're number 2."

I don't know why these words hurt my heart so much. Maybe I've been more angry at myself for not speaking up than her words.

Today, I'm going to forgive myself.

Forgive Yourself For Not Knowing

By Kay Heitsch

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it. ~Forgive Yourself Quotes

We are all on a learning journey in life. Maybe we must forgive ourselves for not knowing what we didn't see before learning it. Once we understand and see, we can forgive ourselves and move on.

Our Bible verse says. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 NIV

We need to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving to one another, and we should include ourselves in this.

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.

Overcome By Doing Good

By Kay Heitsch

Cling to what is good. ~ Inspirational Quotes ~

When bad things happen, we have a choice about what we cling to. It's not that we don't recognize evil—we do—but we can overcome it by doing good.

Our Bible verses say. Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Romans 12:9 Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. Romans 12:21

There we have it. Evil is present in this world, but we do not need to be conquered by it. We can conquer it by doing good and keeping our love sincere.

Cling to what is good.

Todd's Death (Part 9 )

 Grief Experiences Todd's Death (Part 9)

Going through each step of this grief process was helping me to begin to accept that Todd had died. However, I was still numb and in a state of disbelief.

When I returned home from the hospital, the day of the accident, the phone began to ring. I didn't know how so many people knew Todd had been killed in this accident. The same was true in Michigan when a call came in.

This is not something I talk about. But here it goes.

We stayed at Bill's dad's and stepmother's house when this call came in. I wasn't there.

When I returned, I received a message that a woman had called. I recognized the name. The last message I received from this person wasn't exactly good.

Here's the story.

I attended a "Religious" boarding high school in Michigan until my Senior year. I was not the type of student who fit in their environment, so I was expelled. I left there and graduated from another boarding school in Illinois.

Pam, my roommate from Michigan, called and asked if I would come and visit for a weekend. I figured she had gotten permission, so my mom drove me to Michigan and dropped me off at the school.

I hadn't been in Pam's room very long when I received a message. The same woman was letting me know that I would not be allowed to eat in the cafeteria and that no one could bring food out. They had changed their minds about my visit, and now I would have to leave.

It turned out okay because I had friends who had graduated and didn't live very far from the school. Vicki was one of them. She came over and picked me up, and we ended up having a great weekend together.

The day I heard this person call, I wondered how she knew I was at Bill's dad's house and why she called. I was not in the mood to hear from her. My child had died. I never returned her call.

Today, I wonder if she wanted to apologize for her unkind behavior years before. Now, I'm going to believe this was the reason for her call.

I accept the apology I never received, and I forgive her.

Ride Out Hard Times

By Kay Heitsch

We build our faith and trust in God to help us ride out the hard times. ~ Trust God Quotes ~

God uses our hard times to build our faith and draw us closer to Him. When we keep our trust in Him, we are helped. We all have hard times; that's life. But we are helped when we trust God to see us through.

Our Bible verse says. The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7 NIV

When we trust the LORD to help us through our hard times, we can have a heart filled with joy and thanksgiving.

We build our faith and trust in God to help us ride out the hard times.