Todd's Death (Part 10)

By Kay Heitsch

I remember returning to Bill's dad's house after being at the cemetery. People were stopping by, and I watched the cousins playing. I was still in a haze.

I'm having trouble writing about the following incident. However, it seems that it needs to be handled.

Most people said kind and comforting words or just gave me a hug, and I am most grateful for them. However, one person's words have stuck with me for years.

A woman came up to me and said, "Kay, Todd's death is not the worst thing that can happen." She clarified her statement by saying, " When my husband dies, that is going to be worse." Huh? I was dumbfounded and said nothing.

Over the years, I've thought about this repeatedly and been angry at myself for not speaking up.

I've replayed her words and what my response should have been.

Things like, " How the hell would you know? You have never had a child. A child can not be replaced! A spouse can be, and you should know that. You're number 2."

I don't know why these words hurt my heart so much. Maybe I've been more angry at myself for not speaking up than her words.

Today, I'm going to forgive myself.