Todd's Death (Part 12)

By Kay Heitsch

We tried to keep things as normal as possible for Shannon and Brandon.

As a family, we always went to Pizza Hut on Wednesday nights. I will never forget how hard it was to go there without Todd. I kept choking back tears, but I made it. Each week got easier.

There was a skating party at the local roller rink. I sat next to a doctor friend. He asked how I was doing and if I needed anything to help. I told him, "No thanks." I was still numb and trying to adjust to the reality that Todd was not coming back.

The truth is, I knew drugs or alcohol would not help. I understood this from past experiences. I had to find a way to help myself without mindless eating, drugs, or alcohol.

Brandon was almost 3 when Todd died. He did not understand why Todd wasn't home.

Aunt Carmeleta stayed with us for a few days. One night, she heard Brandon get up and asked him where he was going. Brandon said he was going down to sleep with Todd.

It broke Aunt Carmeleta's heart seeing Brandon's little face when she told him Todd wasn't in his room anymore.

Brandon struggled daily with missing Todd. He would pick up the phone in the family room and call out to me, saying, "Momma, Todd wants to talk to you." His baby words broke my heart. I would hold Brandon tight as I hung up the phone.