Todd's Death (Part 1)

 By Kay Heitsch

Grief is a complicated subject. We have perceived ideas on how we will react when we experience the death of a loved one. When we respond differently, we may think something is wrong with us.

Our feelings and reactions to each person's death may be different. I believe this is because of our relationships with each person.

Unfortunately, we may have to deal with other people's expectations on how they think we should be handling the death.

We are never prepared for our child dying.

Little did I know that when Todd walked out the back door to go sledding with his friends, it would be the last time I saw him. I remember Todd pointing at me and saying, "Later, Mom." I sure didn't know then how much later that would be.

About an hour after Todd left, I received a call about a terrible car accident. I found out later at the hospital that Todd had died. I didn't need anyone to tell me Todd had been killed because I could tell by the reactions of the people when I walked into the waiting room and gave my name.

When the doctor came into the waiting room where I was, he told me that Todd had died.

Now, if anyone had asked me how I thought I would react to my 16-year-old son dying, I would have said several things. First, I would have screamed; second, I would have fallen to the floor sobbing. Maybe I might have thought I would have fainted. I did not do any of these things. I was completely silent.

As I slowly walked out of this room, I vaguely recall seeing people lined up. I could see their sad faces, but I wasn't crying. I felt like I was in a nightmare. Everything was hazy.