Todd's Death (Part 7)

By Kay Heitsch

After my experience with the priest, I left the funeral home that evening feeling exhausted. Todd's funeral was to be the next day.

Once again, the pressure on my chest felt enormous when I got into bed. At times, I could hardly get my breath.

We bought Todd a stuffed dog named Snooks when he was a baby. Todd kept this dog all his life. We all laughed when he put Snooks in the back window to look out when we went on trips.

Aunt Carmeleta had sent me a cassette tape by a Christian singing group a couple of months before Todd's death.

I wouldn't have listened to it normally, but I had. In fact, when Todd was practicing driving, I put the tape in. The music kept me calm.

When the funeral home asked what music I wanted played, I picked two songs from this cassette tape.

As I've said, I was not a Christian, so my two choices surprise me to this day. My choices were, Because He Lives I Can Face Tomorrow and Under His Wings.

We had lived in Indiana before we moved to Ohio. I couldn't believe that one of Todd's friends from Indiana showed up at the funeral. It was wonderful to see him.

I sat lost in my thoughts during the service, still in a haze. I don't know what the minister said. I remember hearing the songs as the cassette tapes were played, not knowing what these words meant.

The service was over, and it was time to go to the cemetery.

I waited until everyone said their final goodbyes when I reached under my chair for a bag I had brought.

In a very private last moment, as tears ran down my face, I took Snooks out of the bag and placed him in the casket next to Todd.