Todd's Death (Part 3)

By Kay Heitsch  

As my thoughts raged in disbelief and refusal to accept, I also seemed to hear a quiet voice of reason.

I often thought, "Kay, you must believe and accept what has happened." As weird as it may seem, I remember silently arguing and shouting in my mind with this voice of reason. "NO, I will not believe or accept this!"

I gathered Todd's clothes, which I thought he would like to wear, and we took them to the funeral home. I remember walking around looking at caskets. There, that voice of reason was again. "If Todd is not dead, what are you doing here?" This thought would jar me back into reality.

The newspaper needed an obituary. Again, each of these was a stepping stone helping me accept Todd's death.

Believing and accepting Todd's death still took some time.