By Kay Heitsch (True Personal Story)
"Do you want to get well?" This was the question I heard every morning during my quiet time with the Lord. I wondered why the Lord kept asking me the same question. Of course, I wanted to "get well," or did I?
These last few months since my son Todd's death had been unbelievable. The pain of losing Todd was unbearable. Because of the tremendous pressure I had on my chest, there were times when I felt that if I took another breath, I would die. I now understood what the words "a broken heart" meant.
Todd's death had not been entirely in vain because I gave my life to the Lord as a result of his death. I couldn't handle his death on my own.
Every morning, I spent time alone reading the Bible and talking to the Lord. Out of nowhere, the same question came up: "Do you want to get well?" Sure, I wanted to be healed of this pain. But what would happen if I actually did "get well"?
I was enjoying all of the attention people were giving me. Would all of the special attention end? Would people think I didn't love Todd if I moved forward? I also asked myself, "Would sitting in my closet, in the dark, bring Todd back?" Would anything bring Todd back? These were just some of the questions I asked myself when I finally faced the question, "Do you want to get well?" head-on.
Since nothing would bring Todd back, I knew I had to make a decision. I could hold on to my grief and ultimately pay the consequences of that choice. Or I could "get well" and allow the Lord to work through me to bring more positive things out of Todd's death. I finally decided to "get well."
My choice was to trust the Lord to help me, let go of my grief, keep my good memories of Todd, and allow Him to work through me to bring even more positive things out of Todd's death.
In John Chapter 5, I read about a man who had been sick for 38 years. Jesus saw him and asked, "Do you want to get well?" The man gave Jesus several excuses, just like I did. Finally, Jesus said, "Pick up your mat, and walk." The man chose to "get well" and move on.
Sometimes it's hard to ask yourself the tough questions. It's hard to face the fact that you might not want to "get well" for many different reasons. The decision was mine to make. Like the man at the pool, I chose to"pick up my mat" and move on. I believe we both made a wise choice, don't you?
